My bone structure ensures I’m labeled a Negroid but in my city I’m just another moving target. Trying my hardest not to accidentally get killed for containing the perfect amount of melanin to cause others to show cause for concern….as I walk by. Countless doors locked and heads cocked in the opposite direction as I stroll by annoyed and in need of protection from the disgusted eyes that penetrate my peace of mind with intent on stripping me of my dignity like they once did my ancestors. We’re both scared. Them of what I may do, me of what they might inflict. Shame already in the air and guilt slowly creeping onto the scene but these are not the emotions of my transgressors, these are my own feelings. As if in some way my mere existence made someone else uneasy and forced them to react in a way that bludgeoned my soul and beat up my spirit with a judgment so deafening my equilibrium can hear it and I get tripped up. As I correct my walk I’m met with the daunting task of acting like nothing is wrong and I’m unbothered when in reality I’m F’d up right now. All my life I’ve crossed the street at night to avoid posing a threat to the cute Caucasian couple approaching me with smiles immersed in their private conversation without a care in the world. I’ve shown police officers the utmost respect during bogus traffic stops and ended our engagements with “Thank You Officer” just for not beating , shooting or taking me to the station for hazing. It’s amazing that I’ve made it this far without a physical scar from an altercation but apparently I have thousands of tiny tears in my heart from the constant pulling injustice has done to me. What’s worst is I have to raise a son in this world that will never fully understand why his complexion automatically makes him a suspect yet I know there will come a time when I will have to explain, instruct and console him when this happens. I live in a world where I cannot preach to my children that all men are created equal because I don’t want them to think they have a fair shot at anything on this planet. They’ve got to learn early that you’ve got to work twice as hard for everything you get and three times as hard if you want to get ahead. Average is only the sum divided by its participants and therefore they shall never be average. Only thing worse than hatred is the hate of self and at some point my race has to stop blaming society for its perception of our culture and start holding itself accountable for the assistance it has given in this process. ~ CSI
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